If you’ve lived in your home for 20, 30, maybe even 40 years, and you’re beginning to think, “I know I’m going to have to downsize someday… But where on earth do I even start?”
This is a question I get almost every day. You’re not alone.
You’re not stuck because you don’t know how to clean out a closet. You’re stuck because this isn’t just stuff. It’s your life.
It’s the dining room table where your children did their homework. It’s the bedroom where you brought your babies home to sleep. It’s the china you registered for when you first got married.
It’s the Christmas decorations that you’ve collected over many years. It’s your mother’s china. It’s your father’s tools.
And then there’s that closet! You know which one I’m talking about? The clothes you haven’t worn in five years but somehow can’t quite get rid of because maybe you’ll wear them again. Maybe they’ll fit again. Maybe you’ll need them again. Maybe… “Someday.”
And there it is. “Someday.” “Someday” is one of the biggest reasons we don’t start.
So today I want to answer the question I’ve heard over and over again: “How do I downsize after 30 years in the same house?” And I’m going to give you some very concrete things you can actually start doing today. Not next month. Today.
Because here’s something I believe very strongly: You don’t have to know where you’re going to live next in order to begin preparing for the life you want next.
In my video, How to Downsize After 30 Years in the Same House (8 Steps), I walk through the decisions below, from noticing how you use your home to preserving what matters.
What downsizing after 30 years really means
Because I think we’ve made downsizing much harder than it needs to be.
Some people hear the word “downsizing” and immediately picture a dumpster, a garage sale, a stack of donation boxes, and someone standing in the middle of the room saying, “What can I get rid of?”
That’s not how I think about downsizing.
I’ve been doing this for more than 40 years as an interior designer. And I personally went from a 5,000-square-foot home to an 867-square-foot apartment.
I gave away 95% of what I owned, and I can tell you something that I learned from that experience.
The goal wasn’t to own less. The goal was to make room for the life I wanted, the kind of lifestyle I wanted in my next chapter.
Those are two very different things because when you think the goal is simply to get rid of things, every decision feels like a loss.
But when you start asking, “What do I want my life to look like now and in my next chapter?” the decisions become very different.
So let’s start there.
Step one: Stop asking, “What should I get rid of?”
And start asking, “What is my house asking me to maintain that no longer supports the life I’m actually living?”
I love that question.
Maybe you have four bedrooms. Maybe you have a formal dining room that only gets used twice a year. Maybe you have an entire basement filled with things you haven’t touched in 15 years.
Maybe you have a guest room that really is a storage unit with a bed. And maybe you’re spending your Saturdays cleaning rooms that nobody uses.
And here’s the provocative question I want you to consider: How much of your life is being spent maintaining spaces you don’t actually use?
Because square footage isn’t free. Even if your mortgage is paid off, it still costs you money, time, energy. And increasingly, it can cost you freedom.
So don’t begin with the question, “What do I throw away?” Begin with, “How am I actually using my home today?”
Take a notebook and walk through your home. Write down every room. Then put one of these three labels next to each one:
- I use it.
- Sometimes I use it.
- Never use it.
That’s it. Don’t clean anything out. Don’t make a decision. Just observe.
You might discover that the one room you thought you needed is actually a room you never use. And the room you’re constantly complaining about might be telling you something very important.
Your house is giving you information. You just have to pay attention.
Step two: Separate the decision to downsize from the decision to move
This is really important.
I hear people say, “I can’t downsize yet. I don’t know where I’m going.” Or, “We’re not ready to move.” Or, “We’re going to wait until we know what we’re doing.”
OK, but here’s the problem: Downsizing and moving are two different decisions.
You can begin downsizing long before you put a for-sale sign in your yard.
In fact, I would argue that’s a much easier way to do it. Because you’re not standing in the middle of a house with the moving truck coming tomorrow morning thinking, “What am I going to do with all of this?”
You have time. Time to think, time to decide, time to change your mind. Time to give things to people you love or donate things to people who need them.
You have time to sell something that’s important to you. You have time to let go gradually instead of being forced to make hundreds of decisions under pressure.
And that’s where I want to challenge you.
If you’ve been saying, “We’re going to have to do this ‘someday,’” I want you to ask: “What exactly are you waiting for?”
Because sometimes “someday” is a plan. But sometimes “someday” is simply procrastination.
Step three: Don’t start with the sentimental stuff
If you have 30 years of belongings, do not walk into the attic and pick up your wedding album or your baby pictures.
You’ll be there for six hours, and you’re going to tell yourself you made progress because you looked at 400 photographs. But the bottom line is you didn’t make progress. You just had a lovely afternoon.
And that’s OK, but it’s not downsizing.
Start somewhere easier. A linen closet, a kitchen drawer, the bathroom, your coat closet, a shelf in the basement.
Something where the emotional stakes are much lower. Because you’re not getting rid of things, you’re practicing making decisions. And decision-making is a muscle. The more you use it, the easier it gets.
You might start with the kitchen utensil drawer. When you discover you have six spatulas, do you really need six? Probably not. You might keep two.
And suddenly you’ve made a decision.
Then you open the linen closet. You discover 17 sets of sheets. Maybe you use four. That’s another decision.
And before long, you’re beginning to understand something: “I can do this. I’ve got this.”
And that matters.
Step four: Use a decluttering method you can rely on
This is where I often see people get into trouble. They think they’re supposed to walk around the house and magically know what to do.
No. Give yourself a system that works for you, your personality, your time.
There are several different ways to declutter, and different methods work for different personalities. Some people like to do 15- to 30-minute bursts… my favorite. I call it the burst method.
Others need something much more gradual. Maybe it’s one in, two out. Every time something comes into the house, two things need to leave.
You can also work layer by layer, one category, one room, or one layer at a time.
Or you can declutter backwards, beginning with what you know you no longer need. And sometimes you need a completely different approach.
There’s the “honor it and let it go” method that’s especially useful for sentimental belongings because you acknowledge what the things meant. Then you appreciate it and you keep the memory, but you let the object go.
Because here’s something I’ve learned: Getting rid of an object doesn’t erase the life you’ve lived. The life happened. The memory happened. The person you were became the person you are.
You don’t have to keep every physical object in order to prove that your life has mattered.
You may want to check out my Letting Go Workbook, where I review 13 uniquely different, tried-and-true decluttering methods.
Step five: Create four categories
If you want something you can literally start today, here are things that you can do.
Get four boxes. Label them:
- Keep
- Discard
- Donate
- Not sure
I deliberately create a “not sure” category because you don’t need to make decisions if you are concerned that you might regret it.
If you’re standing there holding your mother’s china and you’re thinking, “I don’t know what to do with this,” don’t force yourself to decide today. Put it in the “not sure” box.
But it’s important that this not become a permanent parking lot.
Give yourself 30 days. Mark the date on the box, and then in 30 days revisit that box.
“I don’t know” is a perfectly legitimate answer, but it is not a good strategy for the next 10 years. So make sure you deal with it.
Step six: Ask a better question about sentimental things
This is one of my favorites.
Instead of asking, “Can I get rid of this?” ask, “What exactly am I trying to preserve?”
Let’s say you have your children’s soccer trophies. Do you really need all 23 of them? Or do you want to preserve the memory of watching your child play soccer and succeed at a sport?
Maybe you keep one. Maybe you photograph the rest. Maybe your child wants them. Maybe you let them go.
But now you’re solving the right problem. Instead of asking, “What do I do with these objects?” you’re asking, “How do I preserve what matters?”
That’s a much more interesting and effective question to help you decide. And frankly, that’s what downsizing is really all about.
If you’d like guidance for the photographs and family stories you choose to keep, Photo Keepers Club is a membership option to explore. This is an affiliate link. I may earn a commission if you join through it.
Step seven: Stop waiting until you’re ready
I’m going to push you a little here because I know what happens. You say, “I’ll start after the holidays.” Then, “We might start after my daughter’s wedding.” Or, “After we finish traveling.” Then, “Maybe next spring.”
And suddenly, five years have gone by and you’ve not made the decision.
But the house hasn’t stopped accumulating, and you’re still thinking about it.
Uncomfortable truth: Waiting does not necessarily make letting go easier. Sometimes it makes it harder. Because the longer you wait, the more attached you become to it.
And if a health event, financial change, death, divorce, family circumstance, or housing issue suddenly forces a move, you may have to make decisions much faster than you wanted to.
I’m not saying that to frighten you. I’m saying that because choice is valuable. I would much rather see you make thoughtful decisions while you have time than be forced into decisions because you ran out of time.
Step eight: Try my 30-day downsizing rehearsal
This is something else you can begin tonight. You don’t even have to tell anybody you’re downsizing. You simply are going to experiment.
For 30 days, pay attention to how you live in your existing house:
- Which rooms do you actually use?
- Which bathroom?
- Which chair?
- Which kitchen appliances?
- Which clothes?
- Which spaces make your life easier?
- Which spaces create more work for you?
Try living in less of your house, i.e., the five main rooms. Maybe you use one bedroom instead of three. Maybe you use one bathroom. Maybe you stop putting things in the formal dining room.
Maybe you prepare meals in the part of the kitchen you actually use. Maybe you use only half of your closet for 30 days.
All the while, you are gathering information. You’re testing a smaller footprint. And you are rediscovering something incredibly important: What you actually need to live well.
That’s far more useful than guessing.
If you’d like to hear more about this experiment, my 30-day downsizing rehearsal video can help you begin noticing how much of your home you actually use.
Start today with just one drawer
And here’s what you can start doing today to start your downsizing journey.
Don’t just watch this video and say, “Great ideas.” Because I’ve made enough videos to know what happens next. You click another video. You make dinner. You answer your texts. And your house looks exactly the same.
So let’s make this ridiculously easy.
Not a room, not the basement, not your mother’s entire collection of china. Just one drawer.
Set a timer for 15 minutes. Take everything out. Touch every item. Ask three questions:
- Do I use it?
- Do I need it?
- Would I choose to bring it with me if I were moving tomorrow?
You don’t have to get rid of everything. You don’t have to finish your entire house. You just have to make one decision… then another… then another.
That’s how this happens. Not all at once. One decision at a time.
And if you’re overwhelmed by the “how,” that’s exactly why I created my Letting Go Workbook.
Because there isn’t one right way to declutter. Some of you will love the burst method… my favorite. Some of you may need to work more slowly. Some of you may need to work room by room. Some of you may need to declutter backwards… Try it! It’s fun.
Some of you have sentimental belongings that require a completely different conversation.
The workbook walks you through 13 different approaches, so you can find the one that actually works for you. And that’s important to me.
I’m not here to tell you what to do with your stuff. I’m here to give you ways to think about it.
You get to decide because this is your home, your history, your money, your memories, and ultimately your next chapter.
Those 30 years are your life
And one last thing. If you’ve been in your house for 30 years or more, I want you to stop thinking of those 30 years as a problem.
They aren’t.
They’re your life: the birthday parties, graduations, Christmas mornings, dinners with friends and family, people you’ve loved, people you’ve lost.
It is the careers, the celebrations, and the ordinary Tuesdays that your house represents.
You don’t have to erase 30 years to make room for the next 20. You simply have to decide what deserves to come with you into your next chapter.
And that is a very different way of looking at downsizing because downsizing isn’t about making your life smaller. It’s about making sure your home fits the life you’re actually living now and the life you still want to live in the future.
So if you’ve been saying, “I know I need to do something, but I don’t know where to start,” start small. Start today. Open one drawer. Make one decision. Then, tomorrow, make another.
Because you don’t have to be ready to downsize your whole house. You just have to be ready to begin.
And if you’re willing to do that, you might be surprised.
You may discover that you’re not really afraid of letting go. You may discover that what you’re afraid of is letting go of the wrong things.
And once you understand the difference, the whole process can begin to feel very different.
Less like loss. More like clarity.
Less like giving something up. More like making room.
And maybe that’s the real secret to downsizing after 30 years in the same house. You aren’t deciding what to lose. You’re deciding what matters enough to carry it forward.
That’s where I would begin.
If you’d like to continue conversations like this with me, I’d love to welcome you to my Simplicity Circle membership group.
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