By Rita Wilkins
The Downsizing Designer
Do you hold onto things that are sentimental to you because you are afraid if you let go of them, you will lose the memories associated with them?
Several years ago, after our mom and dad passed away, my siblings and I were cleaning out their home… The home we spent many happy times together.
When it came to the large amount of china, crystal, and silver, none of my siblings wanted it because they didn’t entertain formally as I did… Nor did they have the big house to store it all in like I did at the time. I was thrilled because I knew I would use it and that would help keep their memory alive.
So, I took all of it!
All 16 place settings of china, crystal, and silver.
- The large silver trays, serving pieces, and candlesticks.
- The huge crystal punch bowl and crystal cups that served as eggnog every Christmas.
Fast forward: I was selling my big house and downsizing from 5000 ft.² to 867 ft.². I had no room for it.
I was emotionally attached to the beautiful things mom and dad treasured and used, but now I had to let go.
Thanks to the wisdom of my sister-in-law, Karen, she knew how much it meant to me and she knew I would use it so she recommended I keep four place settings of each… which is exactly what I did and I let go of the rest by distributing it in small chunks to family and friends who would then use it
Why do I tell you this story?
Because letting go of something you are emotionally attached to is painful. But if you were trying to downsize and declutter you have to make decisions that might be painful, but they’re also practical.
So, whether it’s china that was your mother’s, photographs of your kids growing up, souvenirs from various travels, baby clothing, or clothing of a deceased loved one…
All of these things bring back memories, both good and bad…
- A time in your life
- Special people in your life
- An event in your life.
They are sentimental and you are attached to them… So how do you let go?
First, let’s define sentimental clutter. It will be different for each and every person. As the saying goes, one person’s trash is another person’s treasure.
Bottom line: Sentimental clutter is everything you hold onto, things you keep in your drawers, attic, or basement even if you no longer need them want them or if they serve a purpose.
We are attached, we tell ourselves we can’t possibly get rid of them! Even if they just take up space in our homes. Think about your grown kids’ bedrooms: the high school trophies, teddy bears, plaques, and awards.
5 Step Guide To Lose The Clutter But Not The Memories Workbook, $ 29.99
Why do we hold onto these things?
A. Holding on
Often, it’s our way of holding on to someone, I loved one who is no longer with us. It’s our way of honoring their memory and people we cherish.
B. Guilt
Another reason we hold onto things is guilt. If someone has given you a gift you might feel guilty about giving it away. Think wedding gifts, birthday gifts, holiday gifts that’s it in your basement.
C. Obligation
A third reason we hold on is we feel obligated. Think about family heirlooms that have been passed down from our parents and grandparents. We may not want and need it or ever use it but we keep it because we feel our obliged to honor them
How do you decide what you keep & what you let go of?
First reminder, so that your deceased loved ones are no longer with you. Their memory lives on in your heart not in that object.
Faced with a house full an attic full and a basement full of sentimental clutter here’s how you can decide what stays and what goes:
1. Try this exercise
- Pick one small area of your home that you want to remove sentimental clutter
- Pick one cabinet, one shelf, and one drawer.
- Of the 10 items that might be on that shelf, pick only two that are meaningful. Let go of the rest.
- Next shelf: two items
- Next shelf: two items
Rather quickly you will discover that you’ve gotten rid of 80% of the sentimental clutter in that area.
2. Set a goal for what you want to accomplish in the room and in that area
- One shelf, one drawer, one closet at a time.
A warning: there will be emotional triggers with some of the pieces you come across.
I was triggered over our dad’s Timex alarm clock because I could hear him winding it each evening so he can get up early and provide for our family. That clock made me cry.
But my sister aptly reminded me that it wasn’t the clock, it was the memory that I will always have with me.
I took a picture of the clock and wrote a story about it so that one day my kids and grandkids will understand what that clock meant to me.
3. The main focus
In spite of emotional triggers, set a timer, and limit the amount of time you spend decluttering sentimental items because it’s emotionally exhausting.
4. If you are struggling, ask for help
Have a friend and a family member be there for you. Let them love you, support you and also keep you on track.
This is especially true when going through items from a deceased loved one. Everything you touch brings back memories.
But remember, if you want to downsize and declutter your sentimental items you have to make those hard and painful decisions. Over time it does get easier as you develop a decluttering mindset and decluttering muscle memory.
When trying to decide what stays and what goes, remember to ask yourself these 3 questions:
1. Does make me happy? Does it bring back good memories?
If not, it should be disposed of i.e., wedding albums from a previous marriage.
2. Will you use it? Will it serve a purpose in your home and in your life?
If you can display it or use it you keep their memory alive. I.e., my mother’s china, silver, and crystal.
3. Are you keeping it because you think you should?
Remember to ask yourself if you’re feeling guilty and that’s why you’re keeping it or ask yourself if you’re feeling obligated.
Remember it’s perfectly normal to want to hold onto your sentimental items, but when everything is sentimental and when you have so much of it becomes a huge burden, creating overwhelm, anxiety, and total frustration.
It’s time to make the decision to just let it go.
Keep only those few very meaningful items that you will use or display to keep the memory alive. It serves no purpose to keep them in boxes in your basement or attic. Those burdens take up space in your house, in your heart, and in your mind.
For your own sake and the sake of your loved ones just let it go!
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